Sparkly Donut Holes
by Moonfairyhime
Summary: Dean and Sam enlist the help of their sister, Alisha Zephyr Almira River Quilla Skylark McSparkly, nee Winchester, but she prefers that you call her Mary Sue, to kill The Demon.


Title: Sparkly Donut Holes  
Author: Moonfairyhime  
Rating: K  
Disclaimer: I don't own the lovely Winchester boys or anything else that you recognize from this fic.  
Summary: Dean and Sam enlist the help of their sister, Alisha Zephyr Almira River Quilla Skylark McSparkly, nee Winchester, but she prefers that you call her Mary Sue, to kill the demon (who has a fetish for shoes).  
Feedback: Would be the bestest thing EVER!!!11  
Author's Notes: I'm sorry. I started writing something to mock Mary Sue authors and then this thing was born. I think this is a new level of crack. Please remember that this fic is all in jest.

* * *

One day, Sam and Dean discovered that they had sister. They went to find their sister. It very hard and took three complicated plot twists that I have no idea how to make up, so just go with it, mmkay? However, they opened the door to the Motel 66.67, door number two-thirds, and there be their sister! 

Sam pointed at her. "You are our sister! What is your name?"

The girl, who was fifteen with double-d cup breasts, legs up to her neck, blonde hair that could no sooner come out of a bottle of dye than Lindsay Lohan's blonde hair could (…wait a second…), and clothes that a hooker would have been jealous of, smiled. "You must be Dean and Sam. My mean, abusive parents talked about you all the time. I know everything about you! My name is Alisha Zephyr Almira River Quilla Skylark McSparkly, nee Winchester. But you can call me Mary Sue."

Dean looked perplexed. "How are you related to us?"

Mary Sue smiled benignly while throwing a knife at the guy who was checking out her ass from the motel room next to hers. "Well, when the demon came to kill Sam, Mom was pregnant with me."

Now Sam looked just as perplexed as Dean. "You're fifteen. Mom's been dead for twenty-four years."

Mary Sue twirled her hair adorably and the boys immediately dropped all questions they had in the face of such sheer adorableness. "Still. I'm your sister. Let's hunt some things!"

Dean looked worried. "You can hunt?"

"Yes I can! One of my names is River." With those words, Mary Sue threw all her stuff into the Impala and grinned cheerily. "I'm driving!"

Dean smiled at Sam. "You heard her. She's driving and I'm calling shotgun."

Sam, who folded himself in half to fit into the back seat, only nodded happily. He would have talked, but his mouth was somewhere in the vicinity of his knees and he was focusing on breathing.

* * *

Dean was happily bobbing his head in time to the music. "Who is this again?" 

"Fall Out Boy. Aren't they the cooolllllesssttt?" Mary Sue said, smiling at the state trooper who was about to write her a ticket. The state trooper smiled bashfully back at the youngest Winchester and began to walk back to his motorcycle, deciding that the underage girl who was doing a hundred miles an hour in a twenty miles an hour zone, backwards, and in the wrong lane was doing no harm. He ended up tripping over motorcycle and ending up in the ditch, smiling at the vision of Mary Sue in his head while he sat in cattle dung.

Sam made the suggestion to help the poor guy up, but since his mouth was now permanently attached to his kneecap, it kind of came out as "mmmmmmmmaaaaaawwwwwwwwww."

Dean looked at his little sister, completely ignoring the sound of another one of Sam's vertebrae popping out of place. "So what are we hunting?"

"Well, I looked at the research you gave me about the demon and I decided we could take him on ourselves and win."

Dean looked impressed. "Wow! You looked at twenty plus years of research in twenty seconds and you already know where to find the demon and how to beat him!"

"That and I had a vision about where the demon would be. Did I forget to tell you that I'm a Seer?"

"Um, yeah, you did." Dean looked at her worriedly, noting that a bit of his personality was slipping back into the fic.

Mary Sue nodded happily. "Yes I am. I also have the super seekrit weapon to destroy the demon!"

"Mwuh?" Sam said, as he proceeded to eat more of his jeans.

"Yes, for I have the power of love! Do-do-do-do-do-do-do! You've got to believe in the power of love," and thus the author showed off her love of badly dubbed nineties Japanese anime.

"Mwuh?"

"Well, you see. Mom died to protect me. Not you, Sam. You're a worthless brother who has no right being taller than Dean. Anyhow, Mom died to save me. Mom had super seekrit powers of her own and she transplanted my embryonic form into a garbage can. No one said Mom was perfect. Anyhow, a few years later, the garbage can gave birth to me. It took me to the McSparkly's house and they were terribly horrible people who often had no good, very bad days. They seemed quite afraid of people who believed in magic. I think they were just pining for Britain. Anyhow, it was while I was in the pantry under the stairs, I realized that, like Mom, I had psychic powers. I'm a Seer and I'm telekinetic and when I touch the demon, it'll melt."

Dean nodded, satisfied with the explanation. "Well, there's the demon, wanna test that theory?"

The three siblings got out of the Impala. Well, Dean and Mary Sue got out of the car and they sort of rolled Sam out of the back seat. When the demon noticed Mary Sue, it squealed. "OMG, THOSE SHOES ARE SO LAST SEASON."

Mary Sue looked down at her shoes. "Like, they so aren't. Just got them on sale at Macy's."

The demon looked closer at the shoes. "OMG, you're so right. Tots sorry."

Mary Sue waved a hand flippantly. "No prob. BTW, do you know who I am?"

The demon looked her up and down. "Besides an overly endowed child, no."

"Hello. My name is Alisha Zephyr Almira River Quilla Skylark McSparkly, nee Winchester. You killed my mother and father. Prepare to die." Mary Sue said, adopting a rather Spanish accent.

The demon squealed again. "Not you! OH NOES!"

Mary Sue whipped out her hand and showed the demon. "Now, I shall touch you with my unwashed hand and you shall die because of the power of love!"

Sam and Dean, meanwhile, where sitting there and watching the duo as they realized their only purpose of the fic, getting Mary Sue away from her foster parents, had been fulfilled.

Mary Sue reached out and touched the demon. He began to melt. "I'll get you my pretty… And your shoes are totally last season!"

Mary Sue gasped and kicked the puddle of goo that the demon had become and she then began to glow. She smiled at her brothers. "Because I have avenged Mom's and Dad's death, I shall become one of The Powers That Be, or TPTB, because that's a lot to type. So, so long, farewell, aufwiedersehn, adieu, mes frères!"

Dean and Sam watched as Mary Sue ascended into the heavens. Sam looked to Dean. "Well, Dean, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"Sure, Sam. But why do they call donut holes donut holes when there's no hole in them at all?"

Sam manfully resisted the urge to find the nearest desk and do a headdesk.

Dean clapped his brother on his back. "Anyhow, Sammy. What are we going to do tonight now that Mary Sue has fulfilled her life's goal and now has become one of TPTB?"

"The same thing we do every night, Dean."

"Go out and get drunk?" Dean asked hopefully.

"I was going to say plot to make sure we never end up in something as asinine as this again, but that works too."

_They're Sammy… They're Sammy and the Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean!_

"Narf!" Dean said.

"WTF?" Sam asked.

Dean shrugged and the two walked away.


End file.
